You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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