I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I yelled at your uterus for you.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
