It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
