I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
