I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
