I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Drunk is not a location!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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