Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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