You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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