you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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