Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
