every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We have started to decorate penises.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
