Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
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