I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
