Swine flu. Run for my life!
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
