i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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