: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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