did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I will pee on everything he values.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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