After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
