First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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