I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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