Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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