I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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