I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
