She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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