is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
home. puking in laundry basket.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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