if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
