i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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