My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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