I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
