I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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