I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
