he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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