Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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