By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
