Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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