last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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