Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
