so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
