so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
