Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
