Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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