is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
