I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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