no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
