how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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