My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
