Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
