eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
