sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
