I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
