Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
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