just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
